Saturday, November 19, 2011

An Ode to November

Wow, have I had an interesting month. It's been such an epic spectacle that I thought I would put my feelings into words and really show my appreciation for the massive impact this month has had on me. So without further ado, thank you November. Thank you for teaching me valuable lessons in such concepts as humility, but even more so, in torture. Thank you for showing me all the unique ways to crush a man’s soul, shatter his self-worth, and bring him to the brink of insanity. Thank you for showing me my new threshold for pain and especially thank you for showing me all the new and creative ways to use swear words. Thank you for showing me that sprinkling in a few good things here and there only serves to make the next act of viciousness that much more impactful. Thank you for showing me all the new smells, the new sensations and the new feeling in my stomach. You know, the one that won’t be going away anytime soon. And most of all, thanks for the feelings of dread on what may be around the next corner. After all, you’re not quite done with me yet, are you? So one last round of applause for November. Any person, creature, thing or intangible word that bears little practical meaning that can somehow amass so many people, events, accidents, crises, and various other horrible things in a mere twenty days deserves some kind of recognition. If I were a sadistic man, I would take the lessons you taught me and use them against others. I may even become famous. Sadly, I’m not a sadistic man. I’m a good person with simple desires and interests. So rather than torture others with the knowledge I've gained this month, I will patiently wait for these last ten or so days to end while you continue your reign of terror upon my soul. I only hope that December is not quite as cruel and brutal as you November. If he is though, he will most certainly use my hopes to his advantage. Thank you November. Now go fuck yourself.

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